I'm gonna have a badass scar
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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