the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
