Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
