Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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