The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
