please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
