i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
