Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
