so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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