then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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