i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
