After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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