I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
