I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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