just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
