I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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