someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
