By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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