I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
