the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
