Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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