if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
