I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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