can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
