you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
