During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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