there's paper in my vomit.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
