she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
