Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
