you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
