Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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