I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
