So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
