Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize