how can u be prego again
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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