another moral hangover. fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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