He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
