I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
