i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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