I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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