First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
