there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
