PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
