Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
