are you so shy because you have an std?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
