My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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