whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
