May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of course I have a pirate flag
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
