im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
