I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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