So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
