nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
