it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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