I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
