Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
