I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
