I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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