We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
