I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
