we have pet lesbian snakes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are all done wearing pants today
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
