I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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