He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
whose parrot is this?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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