you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
