I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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