Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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