He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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