I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
