Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just cropdusted the office
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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