So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im holly from the hills drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
