I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
