You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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