Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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