I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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