I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
